How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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