Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every concussion has its silver lining
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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