Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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