when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
