this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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