That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
