I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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