I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
