I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
