I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
