she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
