Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
