There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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