You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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