Me. At least after what I've been through.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
