i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
