He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize