Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
