She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
