Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
