singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
