I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fill condoms, not promises.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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