I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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