I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize