hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
