I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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