just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
