You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
