had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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