If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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