She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
