Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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