Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
