im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
