Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
