Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
