yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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