all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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