Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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