Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
