I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
