i was born a porn star she said
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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