remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize