I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
