This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
