Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
