I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
