Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
