Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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