didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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