Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
