plz talk dirty to me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
