she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
