why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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