There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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