so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
