Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
