it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
