You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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