Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
