Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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