i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
