Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I die, sorry about rent.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
