I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My liver just broke up with me...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
try to milk me bitch
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