he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
