Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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