If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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