Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
