you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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