You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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